


The Art of Losing and Of Picking Up

by sage_theory (papersage)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-02
Updated: 2010-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 16:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papersage/pseuds/sage_theory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an alternate universe where Rodney is a woman named Edith McKay and Rupert Giles is Roberta Giles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Losing and Of Picking Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wisdomeagle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisdomeagle/gifts).



_"And I have the the sense to recognize  
That I don't know how to let you go  
You do what you have to do..."_  
\- Sarah McLachlin  
"Do What You Have To Do"

  
Edith's sweater is too big for Willow and the sleeves come past her wrist and only her fingertips peek out. Willow smiles over a cup of coffee. Edith loves and hates and aches to watch that sweet smile, Willow's legs dangling over the bed, bare and pale and perfect and red hair that's a little wild from a night in bed.

"Don't you just love coffee? I wonder who thought of it. Coffee. Why don't we know when coffee was invented. When we know the Wright brothers first flew. And we know when the first telephone call was made. But not coffee, and coffee's way more important."

Edith sets her chin down on her arms and listens to Willow babble, smells coffee and the soft girlish perfume that Willow sometimes favors. The constant music of her voice, like an eager bird in the morning, continues on for a long time. It's one of those automatically chipper, cheer-inducing things that usually Edith hates, but now she's trying hard to treasure it even as it angers her slightly.

Finally there's a pause so Willow can drink and she notes that the coffee has gone cold. Edith wonders if Willow has lived a life of cold coffees and warm sodas for this very reason. The girl will sing out her soul without hesitation, and it's very easy just to let her. The way it's easy to bask in shafts of sunlight.

Edith doesn't have the will or reason or heart to stop Willow until she knows she has to say, "I'll be at the recruiting fair at the college all day."

This is, in fact, not entirely true. Yes, the Air Force has a few promising physics students they want Edith McKay to glad hand - but nothing as important as Willow. These are students who'll end up doing grunt work. They won't get close to Stargate command, probably won't even get to visit Area 51.

Nothing like Willow. Nothing this brilliant or bright or precious.

Nothing that would have Edith McKay lying and sneaking and risking her job and the one thing she's discovered she can love.

Willow looks down at Edith. "Okay. You know, Buffy's thinking about going to UC Sunnydale. It's not a bad school at all. She made way high scores on her SAT's. She did better than I did the first time. I just got so nervous, you know. Nothing makes you forget the Pythagorean theorem like butterflies in your stomach. Oh, and that grockler demon we had to fight the night before. The Air Force didn't get my test scores, did they?"

Edith laughs, runs a hand down the smooth curve of Willow's thigh.

"I don't know," she replies. "Nobody tells me anything. Except where to go."

This is not entirely true, but Willow smiles and says, "Really? I would've thought with the big secret Air Force contacts you have...it must be so fascinating. Hey, would I have to wear a uniform? Do you have a uniform. With one of those hats that makes you look like you work at one of those old soda counters and the skirt. I love skirts. Miss Giles always wears those kinds of skirts. I can't wear them though, I totally don't have the legs for it."

Edith respectfully disagrees with kisses up Willow's leg that make her giggle, and does not mention that civilians are not required to wear any type of uniform, especially not scientist civilians.

Because Willow is not going into the Air Force. There are places for beauty, and the Air Force isn't it. Edith knows she belongs there, pining for Samantha Carter and malingering in her shadow, because she is nothing so pure or pale or sweet as Willow. She's rough and a little overweight and caustic at the best of times, and unable to control her temper. Still, she does not think she has the heart to break Willow's song. Or her heart.

Edith goes, later that day when she knows that classes are well in session, to the Sunnydale High School library to return Willow's shirt and her jacket - the ones she traded for Edith's and left either on purpose as some gift - and lays them on the table.

Out of an office comes the oft-mention Miss Giles. Edith can tell that there is a part of Willow that loves and respects Miss Giles in a way that she is blind to because it is common and so essential to her every day life.

Willow was right, Miss Giles does indeed have the legs for that skirt. She is long limbed and wily-eyed behind her silver rimmed glasses. Her hair shows only a few spare highlights of gray, and though there are crow's feet and frown lines, it is not hard to see that in her youth, Miss Giles was something of a looker and still is.

"Miss McKay," Giles says, taking off her glasses and polishing them for a moment. "I thought your business was done here at the high school."

Edith looks towards the floor. "It is. I came to return these..."

Giles does not miss the implication. "I'll see that she gets them."

"Thank you."

Edith turns and thinks that perhaps she might walk away with some dignity, but it turns out that she's misunderstood Miss Giles. This woman is a lionness protecting a pride. Edith is an interloper who's turned her back.

Fatal mistake.

"Will she have to wear a uniform?" Miss Giles asks, quietly, as she puts back on her glasses.

"No," Edith replies. "Civilians don't wear uniforms."

"Oh, really. I thought she'd look just smashing in one of those hats. Looks like they work at a soda fountain or something, don't you think?"

For a moment Edith smiles because trying to imagine Sam Carter, in uniform, serving sodas with a smile is both ridiculous and not at all possible in this universe or any other.

"Look, Miss Giles. I know you don't approve, and frankly, I don't give a damn. Willow's..."

"A child!" Giles shouts. "My god, woman, she's barely legal at all. And if she weren't eighteen already, I would've called the police on you. She's impressionable, vulnerable. Here you are filling her head with ideas of big laboratories and wonderful adventures."

"Oh, because the Hellmouth has been such a spectacularly safe place for her. The radiation that's underneath this floor alone must be mind boggling." Edith considers it a personal victory that Miss Giles looks a little bit shocked. "Yes. We at the Air Force are well aware of the Slayer and the Hellmouth, thank you very much.

But the shock melts into outright viciousness. Miss Giles leans forward on the table in front of her and very slowly says, "If you've come after Willow just to get to Buffy, I swear to god -"

"We have our own supersoldier blondes. We're not interested," Edith replies, with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Then what possible motive could you have for this? The way Willow imagines it, you're going to sweep her off your feet and you two will go hand in hand off to the sunset. Of course, you knew from the moment you laid eyes on her that wasn't going to happen. Tell me, do you always like your girls this young or is Willow a bit old for you? I know some very attractive freshmen down the hall you might fancy."

"Hey! I didn't plan this, all right? I did not come here looking to molest some little girl on the Air Force's behalf. And how about giving her some credit? Or maybe the reason you're so tetchy about this is that it's a little close to home for you."

"How dare you!"

"I'm a very daring chick. That's me. Miss Edith I-Dare-You McKay. And right now I'm daring to tell you what I think is really going on here. I think that really, this is just jealousy. And not just because I'm so much prettier than you are, which I am, but because she picked me. Here you've been all along, and it was me that she picked. Me! Not you, and you're jealous. And if you're jealous, then you're a lot stupider than I took you for, which isn't that hard."

"I beg your pardon?" Miss Giles asks, cocking her head ever so slightly.

"You stupid, stupid bitch," Edith sighs. "I get a couple of days and one *very* spectacular night."

"I really don't care to hear this."

"Well, you need to, so don't interrupt me. I get one tiny moment with her, but that's it. You're right. I knew that it wouldn't last the minute I laid eyes on her, and I didn't care. Because she was worth it. She made me happy."

Miss Giles snorts, and for a moment Edith thinks she's made her point. But again, she forgets. Miss Giles is a far more brutal creature than she lets on.

"Oh, how noble of you. How sacrificing. I'm so glad that you enjoyed your little fling so much. But speaking as the one who'll have to pick up the pieces -"

"At least you get to!"

Silence tolls between them like a bell that's rung, ending a fight. And though Edith might have been the heavy favorite, it's Miss Giles who's won.

"I would give anything to be able to stay. But I can't. For a couple of days I was better woman with her. Maybe you never get to touch her, but at least you get to stay close. At least you can say you deserved it. Because I have to get on a plane in a couple of hours and I have to pretend that this didn't happen. The best thing in my life, and I have to erase it. So go on, be jealous."

Edith turns her back before she gets too angry and starts to walk.

Miss Giles calls out, "How am I supposed to explain it to her?"

Edith stops and sighs. "Tell her the Air Force got her SAT scores. Oh, and Miss Giles?"

"Yes?"

"When she finally realizes how much she loves you, be good to her."

"I wouldn't dream of anything else."

"Neither would I, but we both know what happens to dreams," Edith sighs and walks out of the library.

In the afternoon, it is Miss Giles who hands Willow her own shirt as a way of delivering the bad news. It is Miss Giles who catches Willow weeping in the stacks and makes tea and strokes her hair and smells Edith all over her - Roberta Giles who loves and hates and aches to watch Willow cry.

  
\- THE END -


End file.
